The Office Season 8 Episode 2

This week, we are rolling out, the brand new sabre tablet, the pyramid. Why is it shape like that? So,  You can tell your clients unleash the power of the pyramid. It's huge. How much does it weigh? // Oh, no, without the battery pack and optional memory booster, It's barely 3 pounds. How much memory does it have without the booster? // 3L// I'm sorry L?// How many L to a K? / You really want the booster. How on earth are we supposed to sell? // I'll take five // Andy, Don't make us sell this stupid thing. Oh, no. This is Dwight's meeting // Thank you. // I just want to pop in and get you opinions on tie and tie clips. Which combo do you think Roberts's gonna like more. What do you think. C-span?  Is this really the best use of our collective time? // I'm still forming a first impression with Robert. Once it is formed, We can all relaxed. I'm sorry to hijacked your meeting, D-dub dog. Had to pull rank. // Okay, Let's look at some ties.

Here's how I'm going to help out from now on. I'm going to not care and I'm going to sit around quietly waiting for Andy's inevitable demise. Your friend really made me laugh the other night.

D. dog, you have a message. // Erin, You don't need to call him that. Andy wants us to T-dog. // This is okay, e-dog, Who's called? Justine, she just said she's coming by later. // Your ex-wife? // I like her. // But, I was just quoting you, I would never say that about her. I don't know the woman. We get along now, real well. // Well, alright, can't wait to meet her. // I'll introduce you.

Yeah, we had a few fights, I suppose. But last night, We put a lot of that to bed. I can't tell you what I deal with my ex-wife last night. I have to sing it. 'We took shower, We were naked. We...skab dab doroo doo woo.


Hi, Dad. Oh, boy. // Hello, Andy, Excellent tie. // Would you be acquiring a cold beverage while you are here? // I'd love some coffee. I was looking over your projections and I think we can do better. // Are you factoring in the whole national economy, declining all that? // Andy, do you know why I chose you? I think I can summon up with what I think is your favorite ice cream flavor. Vanilla?// Vanilla. oh, no. You will never guess in a million, billion years. you'll never guess. You were saying you chose me. There was a reason. // Andy, Can you inspire. Do you have that skill set?

Can I inspire? I don't know. I don't know....

Oh, Thank you. // Sorry. // You just put it down. // That is very cold. // Yeah, It's old. // why would I..? // I aksed if you wanted a cold beverage, you said coffee.

Why don't we get Robert a nice, hot fresh coffee and I'll have this. // Andy, you don't want that. // I have been craving a freezing cold cup of old coffee. // Sorry.

You like her. // I do. // She likes you. // You know, we'd both been into each other at different times and just never really synced up. Now, we are in this real dance.

I'm afraid you've lost my interest. // Let me call you back. // I got to go.

If the office super store was supposed to put us little suppliers out of business, Why are we still here? // This is where we go. // You go some place else. That's not it.

That's not the answer. // It's a answer. // It's a wrong answer. // There are no wrong answers. // Take a look at where you are. Where you once worked in a dying industry

You now work at its birth, Those super stores are terrified of us. Anybody know why? // They are terrified? // Let me tell you how I buy something thesedays. I know what I want.

I go to the internet. get the best price or I don't know what I want and I go to a small store that can help me. The era of personal service is back. You are back. You'll find the customers will pay our higer price and they will thank us. and we will say to them 'you're welcome.'

Andrew, I chose for a reason. Lead these people. Show me the best numbers this place has ever seen. Last quater we saw four percent growth. Double it.// You got it. // I'm not kidding.

Neither am I. It's already done. // I'm just kidding. This is going to take some time. // Double.!!

What's up guys. Just thought it. We have a little rap-session, talk about business. How' are things going? Why don't you start? // if No one else wants too?// I was just thinking about Robert. Man. What a boss. Just throws down goals, you know. Anyway, how's the sales doubling project going? // How are we supposed to do that. We can't just press magic button. Of course, there's no magic button. You have to summon that. // if we could just double our sales, we already would have. You are not making any sense. You brings up two good points. Do you have any new leads and new territores you want us to look into, maybe an in with the new client that we could get our foot in the door?

Dwight, Anything? // We can talk about how fast children grow up, and before you know, they are out of the house. // You know what, we need to get our heads out of the box.

If we did have something, what would it look like? what would it be?// Your new leads, new territory to look into, maybe an in with a big company we could get our foot in door?My legs are asleep.


Hello, I'm looking for Darrl philbin. // Don't.. You must think,,no, I'm not. I'm not supposed to represent the company. Right there. There's usually Erin here. Darrly a girl.
Everybody, this is Justin. This is jim...// Can we go some place in private? // Follow me. I got a space. After you, I've been thinking about you all morning. I don't know what you did. I can barely walk today.

Let me guess, Somebody needs brownie. lick the spoon? // no, that's okay. I wanted to ask you about // Is this about profits? because If it is, I don't see the point, it's so wallstreet. // How is everything? // Good, Really really good. // Must be a tough time to be a family farm.
Oh, It is. and beets are not immune. I made some inroads in salad but heirloom tomatoes are pushing back. // What are you going to do about that? Well, I don't know what you mean. // You got to be somewhere. you can doubel your beet sales. // You wanted the job. The job is yours. Just do the job. and I will do mine.

Have you seen this? // Parenting? yeah, This is Cece's favorite magazine. She loves the pictures of babies. // She looks at one when she's on the party, she makes the face Have you read it? Has an adult member of your family read this particular issue? // I flipped through it. // So, you saw the article on the importance of taking a fregunt walks while you are preganant.
Of course. // I will be taking a morning walk and an afternoon walk. Would you like to join me? // That sounds nice. // Great
You have a walking buddy. // I do.

Thanks for coming in guys. // You don't have to thank us. It's our job. // Well, I never got thanked for coming into a meeing. I always wanted to be. So I'm going to thank people.
What's under the blanket? // This is What's under the blacket. // We don't get it. // These are our incentives. IT's how we are gonna double growth. Now, you are probably all asking yourselves how does this work.?
Seems like a basic reward system where you give us points and then we redeem those points for prizes. // You are exactly right and you get a point.
Is that a vibrator? // How does one get a point? //  I've outlined the exact parameters in an email so check your spam folders but basically, you do your job better, you get points. so, collect 15 points and redeem them for this polar bear. // Why is it all look kid's stuff, and vibrators. so gross. // There's lots of stuff. or you can pool your points and redeem 55 for this maternity shirts.
How about you want us to work hard, and pay us more? // I can't // This point system is really insulting. // I didn't mean to offend you. I hope you will forgive me because I have a very sorry 16 points. // It's a table cloth.
What if we went all the way up to 500 points? // That's a crazy amount of points. // But what if? //  What do you want?
I don't know. For such a crazy number, I'd like something crazy. // Alright for 500 points. I'll wear a dress to work. // That's pretty good. What about for 1000 points? // I will run naked though the parklot with a doughnut on my dingdong.
Well, you like that? Alright, for 5,000 points I will let you tatoo whatever you want on the stern of the old ss barnard. // Alright, you are totally serious? // Swear to God, hope to die. Now let's get to work. Wait, you did say we can pool our points, right? In that case, let's get to work.

Have you noticed just a little bit of a mood shift around here? // I haven't noticed anything. // Really, Because I sat next to Stanly for years, and This is nap time - open eye nap time - he balances the phone on his shoulder and just powers down. Now look at him. Do you think it's something to do with that incentive program? // Oh, one hundred percent. We all want to see you tatoo on your ass. I think people thought I was kidding when I said that. // Not, you weren't definitely kidding. and I came across loud and clear. Oh, want to hand this in? . I don't really to care about points. I would like a point sheet though. Hold on for one second. Thank you very much. and I'm back, how are you sir. Erin can squeeze a couple more golf fames in, right?

Hey, Kevin, what are you doing? // don't talk to me.

Hi, professor Frank. I'm a huge fan of your management book. Quick question. I may be missing a chapter here, Deincentivising. What are your strategies? looking for a real blow to morale. Why? well, I guess you could say I'm one of those classic ass tatoo incentive situations.

Took'em one day.

I'm not as think as you drunk I am. // Do not resucitate. // Okay, Keep in mind. It's not too late to choose another prize. There are some great new additions; my car. for a thousand points, or best offer.
What else you've got? // This is Philis' idea. So nasty!

We were hoping you could do something like this. // so, coming out of his butt is baby? // Yes// Yeah, no problem. We should think about this. Anyone with better ideas?  // I like what we have. // for sure, what we have.

Just need some seconds outside.


You getting psyched up? // Yeah// Andy, We know nobody really expect you to go though with this. // Tunes. What am I doing here? // Why did Robert pick me? Confession; I don't know what I'm doing. // I mean do you like it? You havin' fun? To tell you this, everybody having a lot of fun. You did that.
My ass isn't so big.  I can't do this everyday. // But I think It's big enough to buy some time till your next great idea which, by the way, I can't wait for.
No one expects me to go though with this, right? // Absolutely not.

Let's ink my stink.

My heart belongs to music. but my ass belongs to these people.

Do your worst.

Ah, You can keep your pants on actually. Just drop down a bit. That would be great. // They are already off my good sir.
I really prefer they are not be down. // Well, I think down is  better sweating heavily down there.
Do you think you could work from this. We made some small adjustments.// Okay, you want..? // just a few adjustments.
Alright let's begin. // This is where I grin and-Ow!// Invest in softer cotton, sir.
Obviously, you can't just go the ass tattoo route. Obviously, I'm gonna like it.

Why did I choose Andy to run the office? Because he's all surface, uncomplicated What you see is what you get. Could be a recipe for a mediocrity. Yes. but then again, it might just be why people fight for him.

It's a nard dong. That's my nickety- name. I love it.  // pull up your pants.

There's something about an underdog that really inspires the unexceptional.


Ah, What should we talk about? // Well, we can talk about an ethical dilema I'm having. // Yeah, sure. I hope I can help. A coworker of mine is drinking caffein while pregnant and I don't know if I should call the social services about it.
Angela, That's pretty transparently me. // Maybe. // You know it's just herbal tea. // In mugs with trace amounts of coffee.
I think you should call the social services. // I already did. // You know maybe we should just have our own pregnancies and not pretend like we are in this together. // Fine.