오피스 시즌 9 - 16화 대본 Part 2

Season 9 - Episode 16  Part 2
"Moving On" 
Written by Graham Wagner 
Directed by Jon Favreau 
Original Air Date: February 14, 2013 
Transcribed by Christine G

Mark: This is a tiny resume. Papa Smurf! Come back to the mushroom. [Pam laughs] From The Smurfs movie. 
Pam: Yeah, I've seen that with my kids. Um, it is tiny, but I've actually been commissioned by the City of Scranton to paint a mural- 
Mark: What does this say here? To ti te per tat... what language is this? Swahili? Oh wait a second, now I can read it. 
Pam: Oh, cause it was upside down. [both laugh] 
Mark: You're a good audience. [Pam laughs] 
Pam: So um- 
Mark: Unlike some of these people around here. 
Pam: Yeah, the um, the city commissioned me to do the- 
Mark: Yeah, we don't have a lot of call for doodling around here. But I like this resume and here's why. It shows that you stick around. Yeah. You don't jump ship easily. Like a lot of these people. I mean they worship me you know? But do they like me? I mean...you think they like me, Pam? 
Pam: Yes. 
Mark: [gets guitar] What if Bob Dylan was your boss? I'm gonna do Dylan! [playing guitar and imitating Bob Dylan] Pam Halpert is my name, and I've been at Dunder Mifflin for seven years? Eight years? Eight years, man. Got the Dunder Mifflin blues. Got the Pam Halpert blues. Got the pra- went to the Pratt Institute...You have children? 
Pam: Two children, yes. 
Mark: You wrote Art and Painting, kinda the same thing. Kinda the same thing. Sometimes I repeat myself, but that's just being Pam. Well I'm kinda cute and I'm- but I'm married so...leave that be.

 

Pete: Hey. You got a sec to talk? 
Andy: Kinda painful to chat with you Pete. Ever since the old one-two punch to my scrotum pole. Translation: penis. Translation? My manhood. 
Pete: Yeah. Look, uh I understand breakups are tough. You know, it happens to all of us at some point in life. But you've gotta move on. 
Andy: Great advice. Thank you, you can leave now. 
Erin: Listen to him, Andy. He's trying to tell you something that you really need to hear. 
Andy: Awesome perspective. Thanks for butting in. 
Pete: Well, I've been where you are now. I dated this girl Alice and it was an ugly breakup. She worked at a marketing agency right next to my house. I'd run into her every day but I had to grow up and deal with it, and I did. We're even Facebook friends now. 
Erin: See? We can all be friends! 
Pete: Yeah. 
Erin: Just, get over it. It doesn't have to be awkward. 
Pete: I do think we can have a fair....

Andy: Yeah, so life gives you lemons and you've just gotta eat them, rinds and all. And if you don't want to eat them? Your ex-girlfriend will shove them down your throat with the help of her hunky new boyfriend. So that's fun.

 

Mark: Nothing to see here! Boss at work. This will be your desk. Right up front. Best seat on the roller coaster, you must be this tall to ride this ride. No pregnant women allowed. Are you? Uh, yeah I don't- not allowed to ask. So... 
Pam: I am not pr- 
Mark: You're not. 
Pam: Pregnant, no. 
Mark: I didn't ask her if she was pregnant. She just offered it. The last three girls here all got pregnant. 
Pam: Wow. 
Mark: Don't be afraid, it's a different chair. I don't want a guy up here. I want to you know, see a woman come in and do a great job. Something that, I have to look out this window, I want someone- 
Pam: I'm sorry I thought this job was for the position of office manager. 
Mark: It is. Yeah, you would uh manage this office. Answer the phones and forward the calls and uh you know, go for a coffee run now and again. 
Pam: So, kinda like a receptionist. 
Mark: Yeah, like a receptionist, but we call you the office manager because uh, it's less demeaning. By the way, how long are these uh, cameras gonna be following you around? Because I think this is pretty cool. Pretty pretty cool. Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm. Do you like that show? 
Pam: Yes. 
Mark: Well, I think they indulge themselves a little too much. I like scripted.

Pam: I spent 10 years as a receptionist, to Michael Scott. And I have kids now. And I just, I can't.

 

Shirley: Ow! The braid is too tight. 
Angela: Oh hush. Loose braids reflect a loose character. Now stay still. 
Shirley: Yes ma'am. 
Angela: I think your hair is much too long for your age, by the way. 
Shirley: Ok. 
Angela: There. 
Shirley: Thank you Angela.

Toby: I'm going to the prison. This afternoon. I'm gonna talk to the strangler. 
Nellie: Probably best to use his real name rather than strangler. 
Darryl: Don't use his real name. George Howard Scubb. It's a devil name. 
Toby: Well I just wanted to say I'm doing it. [Toby leaves] 
Nellie: He's doing it.

 

Pam: [on phone] hey! 
Jim: Hey, how'd the interview go? 
Pam: Oh my gosh, wait until you. This guy was unbelievable. Ok so- 
Jim: I can't wait to hear about it later. Do you want to come in at eight? And uh, don't eat because I'm ordering in. 
Pam: Eight? Really? 
Jim: I'll make it worth your while, I promise. 
Pam: Sure. I mean, it's Philly. I can kill four hours. So uh, yeah. I'll see you at eight. 
Jim: Alright, love you. 
Pam: Love you.

 

Alice: Hi. 
Erin: Hi. 
Alice: I'm here from BCI Marketing Consultants to meet with Andrew Bernard. 
Erin: Yes. The consultant. Andy said you can start right away so I will take you to your desk. 
Alice: Ok, great. Thanks. 
Meredith: Fresh meat! Fresh meat! [Making kissing noises]

Erin: Just keep walking, don't give her anything. She'll take it and run. I'm Erin by the way. 
Alice: Nice to meet you. Cute sweater. 
Erin: Oh, thanks. Your shoes match. I'm bad at small talk. 
Kevin: I'm Kevin. 
Alice: Pete? 
Pete: Alice. Oh man. 
Alice: It's uh, been a while, huh? 
Erin: What, do you two know each other? 
Pete: Yeah. We uh, have a history. 
Erin: Oh. 
Alice: History. Wow, ok. We dated for two years. 
Erin: That's so random. 
Pete: Well. Is it? 
Erin: Andy also hired a management consultant today. Oh no. [runs to front office] 
Creed: Hey Erin, look who's back. The bird man. 
Gabe: Hello beautiful. 
Kevin: Didn't you two used to do it? 
Gabe: We absolutely did. Thank you for remembering that. 
Creed: She's looking good.

 

Toby: Hi, I'm uh, Toby Flenderson. I'm here to see George Howard Scubb.

 

Toby: This is the prison. Uh, I am not going in there with expectations, per say. Uh, I will meet George Howard Scubb. I will tell him that I believe he is innocent. I would understand if he felt motivated to hug me. I would understand if a friendship began. How did, how did Bogart put it? [imitating Humphrey Bogart] I think this is a start of my first friendship.

 

Clark: So Pete was a librarian? 
Alice: He worked as a librarian freshman year. 
Clark: Was he like the sexy librarian? 
Pete: Ok. 
Alice: Is there like somebody who's in charge of marketing? Maybe I should sit near him or her. 
Andy: Hi. 
Alice: Hi. 
Andy: Hi, how's it going? 
Alice: Hi. [laughs] Good. I'd love to discuss strategy with you if you have a marketing p- 
Andy: Wow this sure is intense. Having to share a workspace with someone you used to get it on with? 

Pete: Andy, that is really inappropriate. 
Andy: Awkward. 
Pete: It is awkward. This is a really uncomfortable situation that you've contrived. 
Andy: [high pitched] Really uncomfortable situation. 
Pete: Yeah. 
Andy: It's alright Pete, you can handle it. I mean we all just gotta “move on”. Ain't that right professor lecture much? Uh, question. How's that medicine taste? Your own flavored? Is it just me or have these tables turned? Hmm. Hmm. [leaves] 
Alice: So there's no marketing department. 
Clark: No. 
Pete: No.

 

Gabe: You know, times were tough. I was unemployed, I was still heart-broken over you, I've lost a good fifty pounds. But as you can see I put all that weight right back on. Feel how fat my buttocks are. Yeah, it's crazy. Touch it. It's like a warm pumpkin. 
Erin: So Andy just called you up out of the blue? 
Gabe: Yeah. He told me you two broke up. 
Erin: Yeah. 
Gabe: You must be pretty horny. [Erin shakes head no]

Nellie: well, the good news is no more guilty conscience. At least you know he is the strangler. The proof is in the grip. Did they say when the vocal cords would heal? [Toby nods] One week? [Toby shakes head] Ok, two weeks? [Toby nods] Ok. You offered your neck in search of the truth. The proud neck of justice. Isn't that the expression? No. Well, anyway, it was, it was very brave. It really was quite brave.

 

Shirley: I feel like a show pony. 
Dwight: And you look like one too. Thank you Angela. 
Angela: You're welcome. Would you like some stew? 
Dwight: By all means. And I will carve the roast skunk. Angela? 
Angela: Mmhm. 
Dwight: Would you like the stink sack? 
Angela: Is it any good? 
Dwight: No, you don't eat it. It's a toy, like a wish bone. You know, prettiest girl gets the stink sack. 
Angela: Thank you. [both laugh] 
Shirley: So, when's the wedding? 
Angela: Oh, um actually uh, we are just friends. 
Shirley: That's what Mose said about his lady scarecrow and look what he did to that poor thing.

 

Pam: Hello? 
Jim: Hey! Back here. 
Pam: Oh, wow. Seriously? Oh my gosh, is that champagne? 
Jim: Si, senor. 
Pam: Oh, Jim I should have told you I didn't get the job. 
Jim: Oh man. I'm so sorry. Are you alright? 
Pam: Oh, yeah. I'm more than alright. There's just nothing to celebrate. 
Jim: Are you kidding? We're in Philly. We're having dinner together. And this is just consolation champagne. It's from the part of France that immediately gave up to the Nazis. Here. 
Pam: [laughs] You're very quick on your feet. I remember you. Funny. 
Jim: Alright. So, tell me all about it.

 

Dwight: Ok. Well, gosh. Thank you for your help today. Your perspective was very useful. Thank you. 
Angela: It was not an unpleasant way to spend an afternoon. [They shake hands. Then kiss] Dwight, Dwight. 
Dwight: Right. Not outside. The horseflies. You know what? My farm is only a few acres East of here. Or, we could use the slaughterhouse. 
Angela: No, Dwight. The Senator. 
Dwight: Leave him. He probably won't even notice that you're gone. Be with me, Monkey. 
Angela: I can't be your monkey, Dwight. 
Dwight: I'm not talking about some frisky romp in the warehouse. We have wasted too much of our lives ignoring the fact that we belong together. The eighty or ninety years that I have left in this life...I want to spend with you. 
Angela: I made a vow. I gave my word. 
Dwight: Stand by your man. It's what I would want if you were mine. 
Angela: Good night, D.

 

Erin: How are you doing? Is it really rough? 
Pete: It is so unpleasant. You? 
Andy: Hey, love turds. Conference room, now.

 

Andy: Thank you all for coming in. Just wanted to check in. How is everyone's day? 
Gabe: Honestly, it was a little weird. 
Andy: Really? Hmm. That's interesting. Because Erin and Pete thought it wouldn't be weird at all. Why do you think it was weird, Gabe? Maybe because you and Erin used to be an item? 
Gabe: I still wear Erin's button-downs around the condo sometimes. So it feels to me like we're still in a relationship- 
Erin: Gabe! 
Gabe: ...a lot of the time. 
Andy: And Alice, uh, I understand you once dumped Pete, ouch. 
Pete: Dude, it was an amicable break up Andy. 
Alice: Ok, while we're rewriting history, you never had a drinking problem. 
Pete: It was college. That is what you do. 
Alice: Yeah you're also supposed to go to classes, so there's that. 
Erin: Hey, Andy, is this at all work related? 
Andy: We'll get to that. Gabe, did Erin ever tell you that she loves you? 
Gabe: [laughs] Oh no no no no no no. She wouldn't even let me say it. It was adorable. She would plug her ears and scream her heat out. 

         
Erin: Gabe, can you stop talking? Cause every word out of your mouth is like the squawk of an ugly pelican. 
Gabe: I got a tattoo for you. 
Erin: I didn't ask you to get that Nike Swoosh. Nobody did! You did that for you! 
Gabe: Just do it. You were the it that I was just doing. 
Alice: So you're dating a secretary now? Moving up in the world, Pete. 
Pete: She's nice to me. 
Alice: How's that P.E. degree coming? That's what he wanted to be. His dream in college was to be a gym teacher. 
Erin: Well, guess what? He could still be a gym teacher. In fact, we could all still be gym teachers, so, let's- 
Gabe: I technically cannot. I don't have the lung capacity to blow a whistle. 
Pete: Oh my god. 

Gabe: What kind of music are you into, Peter? 
Pete: Uh, I like all kinds of music, Gabe. 
Gabe: Really? All kinds? So you like songs of hate written by the white knights of the Ku Klux Klan? 
Pete: No! 
Gabe: Erin, are you even hearing this? 
Erin: He didn't even say that. 
Alice: He is not a very sophisticated man, I mean he can't even use chopsticks, so. Do I need to say anything else? 
Gabe: Erin, I've been to Japan. I know how to use chopsticks so well. Come back. One night. 

Erin: Gabe, I don't- 
Gabe: Give me one night with you... 
Erin: What is that supposed to mean? 
Gabe: I have shaved everything... 
Erin: I don't want you to shave everything. 
Alice: I wasted two years of my life on you, you realize that right?! 
Pete: I just want to be real clear that chopsticks is not the measure of a man. [Erin and Gabe argue in background] 

Gabe: I am as smooth as a porpoise. {Erin argues] 
Pete: Why don't you say in the beginning: “This isn't really going that well” 
Gabe: Shove his sashimi! 
Erin: What do you-! 
Alice: Because I had to wait- [all argue]

 

Andy: Alright, yes. That is a legitimate question. Does making Erin and Pete feel bad make me feel better? [Erin & Gabe and Alice & Pete argue in background] Yeah. Yeah, it does.

 

Pam: So, imagine like the real estate version of Michael Scott and that was this guy. He did half the interview as Ace Ventura. 
Jim: Tell me about the cologne. How much? 
Pam: Oh, uh, entire bottle. At least. 
Jim: You're definitely hoarding this by the way. 
Pam: Guess what poster he had on his wall? 
Jim: Austin Powers. 
Pam: MmMm. 
Jim: Ferris Bueller. 
Pam: MmMm. You're getting colder. 
Jim: Not Night at the Roxbury. 
Pam: [laughs] No. The Odd Life of Timothy Green. 
Jim: I'm sorry, how did you think I was expected to guess that? 
Pam: I don't know, but it's interesting right? 
Jim: It's fascinating. 
Pam: He said he can't help but tear up when he looks at it. It's like right next to his desk. He must look at it twenty times a day. 
Jim: That's amazing. Well, listen. You can't win 'em all, right? 
Pam: Mmhm. 
Jim: So, next interview has to be better. 
Pam: I don't know. 
Jim: What do you mean? Of course it will. You're amazing. 
Pam: I know. It's just even if it was, a great boss and a great job, I just, I don't know, I don't know if I want, um, I don't know if I want this. 
Jim: [long pause] Huh. This is a little out of left field. 
Pam: Is it? I just, I liked our life in Scranton. 
Jim: And I have started a business in Philadelphia. [Pam shrugs]

Oscar's Computer: My grandfather know. Mah Jong will be here to stay. Hobbies of the East continues in a moment. 
Oscar: You could all be doing this, just saying.

 

Oscar: I watch way too many ads online and I don't do enough situps. So I bought these. Now, every time an ad pops up online, I get 30 seconds of ab blasting. I call it Ads for Abs. Ironically, I learned about the boots from an ad online.

 

Stanley: Why can't you just do regular sit-ups? 
Oscar: I'll tell you why. Because...the floor...is...disgusting. Yeah, my trainer said everybody fails working out, that's how you win. Alright [tries to pull himself up] Ok. Kevin? A little help buddy? 
Kevin: Oh, why don't your famous stomachs help you now? 
Oscar: Can someone please help me? 
Phyllis: Ow, these teas are hot, can someone help me please? [Erin moves Oscar out of the way for Phyllis] 

Oscar: Just- People! I'm not going anywhere. Soon, my core will get strong again and when that happens I'll be able to- Head rush! Ah! Can someone please help me? [Kevin shuts door] I- Hey! I'm not going anywhere! I'll be right here! Oh that's not good. [Oscars computer reads: Coming this May: The Office: An American Workplace. Ten years in the making, a look at the lives and loves of an average American small business office.] Hey guys! I've got twenty bucks for anyone who will help me. Kevin, would you like a pizza?