페어런트후드#Parenthood 시즌 4 - 13화 대본

4.13 - Small Victories
Transcript by Craig Best

This is a Beta copy

please contact me for any corrections or additions

[Opening scene - Morning, Crosby is waiting outside his bathroom.]

CROSBY: [Labored breathing] Unh. Honey, I have got to pee...

JASMINE: Okay.

CROSBY: Now.

JASMINE: What do you want, a high five or something?

CROSBY: Go get your mom out of there.

JASMINE: Knock on the door.

CROSBY: I'm not gonna knock on the door. What if she's doing something embarrassing in there?

JASMINE: She's just doing her hair.

CROSBY: For 45 minutes, you think...

JASMINE: Yeah.

CROSBY: She's doing her hair?

JASMINE: She's got 15 more minutes.

CROSBY: 15 more minutes? I'm not gonna make it 15…

JASMINE: Then knock!

CROSBY: I'm going in the sink.

JASMINE: No, you're not.

CROSBY: Why? I'm gonna wet my pants.

JASMINE: That's disgusting. So wet your pants.

CROSBY: Oh, what, more disgusting than wetting my pants?

JASMINE: Yeah, actually.

CROSBY: I'm going outside.

[The bathroom door opens.]

CROSBY: Oh.

RENEE: Good morning.

JASMINE: Morning.

RENEE: A beautiful day the lord has brought, isn't it? [She hugs Jasmine.]

JASMINE: Yes. You look beautiful.

RENEE: Thank you so very much. [Hugs Crosby.]

CROSBY: Yeah, your hair looks beautiful.

RENEE: Well, thank you. I have a job interview.

CROSBY: Oh, that's awesome.

JASMINE: That's great, mom.

CROSBY: I'm gonna have crossed fingers and crossed toes, and hopefully everything will go perfectly.

[In the background Jabbar goes into the bathroom and closes the door.]

CROSBY: No, no, no, no, no! Oh, Jabbar.

RENEE: Oh, uh, baby, you do have a humidifier, don't you?

CROSBY: [Pushing past Renee.] I gotta run outside really quickly.

JASMINE: I'll get you one.

RENEE: Thank you.

JASMINE: Mm-hmm.

CROSBY: [Off Screen.] Ahh!

[NEW SCENE - Kristina enters Max's room with Nora in one arm and some washing under the other.]

KRISTINA: Max, buddy, come on, we gotta move. Got to get ready for school. [Takes a deep breath.] God, what is that smell?

MAX: I don't smell anything.

KRISTINA: Buddy it's something reeking in here. When is the last time you cleaned guacamole's cage?

MAX: I clean guacamole's cage on Sundays.

KRISTINA: Yesterday--did you clean it yesterday?

MAX: Yes.

KRISTINA: 'Cause it smells horrible.

MAX: Yesterday was Sunday.

KRISTINA: Are you sure? It's bad. It's like a musty…[Sniffs Max.] Hey, bud? When's the last time you took a shower?

MAX: I take showers on Tuesdays and Saturdays.

KRISTINA: Okay, you know what? I need you to get up, put your book down. I need you to go get in the shower very quickly, okay? We have 15 minutes before school starts.

MAX: No, I shower on Tuesdays and Saturdays.

KRISTINA: I'm begging you.

MAX: No, Tuesdays and Saturdays.

KRISTINA: Please trust me on this, go take a shower.

MAX: Today is Monday. I'm not showering.

KRISTINA: Honey, it's really bad right now, okay?

MAX: I'm going to brush my teeth now. 

KRISTINA: Max, take a shower.

MAX: No!

[NEW SCENE - Julia cooking breakfast, places some pancakes in front out Victor.]

JULIA: And check it out.

VICTOR: I'm not eating this.

JULIA: Victor, hon, I made pancakes because that's what you asked for.

VICTOR: I don't like them like you make.

JULIA: You haven't even tried them yet. I put blueberries in them.

VICTOR: Blueberries suck.

SYDNEY: Mom, Victor just said, "suck."

JULIA: Sweetie, don't say, "suck."

VICTOR: You just said it.

JULIA: Okay, no one say that word, and I will make you pancakes without blueberries if you ask nicely.

VICTOR: I want Burger King pancakes.

JULIA: That is not gonna happen.

VICTOR: Your cooking sucks.

SYDNEY: Mom, he just said it again!

JULIA: I know, sweetie. I heard him. You know what? Take your plate and you can go watch TV in the living room while you eat your breakfast.

SYDNEY: I'm not allowed to do that.

VICTOR: You're such a little kiss-ass.

JULIA: Victor!

SYDNEY: He just said another bad word!

JULIA: I know, sweetheart. Go into the living room.

SYDNEY: So not fair.

[She goes into the living room.]

JULIA: Victor... You need to eat breakfast.

VICTOR: I'm not gonna eat that.

JULIA: You can eat what I made you, or have nothing at all.

[Pushed the plate away. Julia take the plate and turns towards the sink.]

VICTOR: My real mom got me Burger King every day.

[Julia stops, this is killing her.]

[NEW SCENE - Drew driving Amy to School, they park. Students chattering and the school bell rings.]

DREW: My Uncle said that he could get us backstage passes if we want, so... Could be fun. Unless you don't want to go. We don't have to go.

AMY: Yeah, I don't know if I really want to go anywhere.

DREW: Okay. Are you okay?

AMY: [Sighs] No.

DREW: I can't believe this. You're breaking up with me in my car, again. In front of the school. Wow.

AMY: Drew.

DREW: What?

AMY: I'm pregnant.

DREW: [Stunned.] Uh...

[Opening credits - featuring “Forever Young” by Bob Dylan]

[NEW SCENE - Drew and Amy walking towards the lockers.]

DREW: Amy... are you sure about this?

AMY: Yes, I'm sure.

DREW: Like, you took a test?

AMY: Yes, I took a test.

DREW: I mean, is it accurate?

AMY: I don't--I don't know. I mean, I think so. The box said it was, so… God, I cannot believe this is happening.

GIRL: Hey, Amy, cute scarf!

AMY: Hey.

GIRL: I'll see you after class, okay?

AMY: Okay.

[The class bell rings.]

AMY: I have a Spanish quiz. I have to go.

DREW: [Holding her arm.] No, Amy, please. Give me a second. Look, it's gonna be okay.

AMY: How can you even…

DREW: What?

AMY: No, Drew, it's not gonna be okay.

[Amy pulls away, we see Mr Cyr watching them from his class room door. Drew walks away in the opposite direction.]

[NEW SCENE - Bathroom, Max is brushing his teeth.]

ADAM: Max, this is not a negotiation. I want you to take a shower.

MAX: No.

KRISTINA: Buddy, I shower every single day. So does dad, okay? And you would not like it if we didn't.

MAX: I don't care.

KRISTINA: Listen, remember when dad ran that mini triathlon? Remember how bad he smelled?

ADAM: It was a Half triathlon.

KRISTINA: It was--mini, whatever. How bad you smelled? It was--

MAX: No, I don't remember that.

KRISTINA: Okay, well, he stank so bad...

MAX: It doesn't matter.

KRISTINA: The whole house stank.

MAX: I don't run triathlons.

ADAM: Okay.

KRISTINA: Buddy, that's--my point is, you're getting older, so you have to take a shower.

MAX: Getting older isn't the same thing as running a triathlon.

ADAM: Well, you're right about that, Max. But because you're growing up, your sweat glands start to behave differently. So you'll smell differently.

MAX: Interesting. Why?

ADAM: Well, uh...

KRISTINA: There's hormonal changes.

ADAM: I'm not sure of the exact science, but your body produces hormones...

MAX: Got it.

ADAM: And they produce changes.

MAX: All right. What else changes?

KRISTINA: All right, a lot.

ADAM: Uh, well--

MAX: Yeah.

KRISTINA: A lot.

ADAM: Your voice has gotten deeper.

MAX: Right.

KRISTINA: And, just--getting--

ADAM: Well, you start to grow hair.

MAX: I already have hair.

ADAM: Well, not just on your head.

MAX: Oh, well I have it on my armpits. [Lifts his arms.]

KRISTINA: That's good.

MAX: And I'm also getting it on…[Starts to untie his shorts.]

KRISTINA: Skittles! I-I'm not looking at-- I will buy you a bag of Skittles if you get in the shower.

ADAM: [Laughs.]

MAX: Listen, dad, get out. Leave, I have to get skittles.

ADAM: All right, all right. Okay, skittles.

[NEW SCENE - Drew is at his locker looking inside.]

MARK: Drew? Hi.

[Drew closes the door.]

DREW: Hey.

MARK: How's it going?

DREW: It's fine.

MARK: Everything okay, um, with Amy and everything?

DREW: Yeah.

MARK: You guys seemed really upset this morning.

DREW: I know, it's fine, though.

MARK: Okay. Wait, Drew, wait, I- it just seemed like it was more than a fight. And, and then...

DREW: Yeah, I don't know, it was…

MARK: And then Amy didn't show up for class.

DREW: Um, yeah, I don't-- I don't know where she went. I, I'm not sure.

MARK: Well, I'm not mad. That's not why I'm bringing this up, but Amy never misses class...

DREW: Yeah, I don't know.

MARK: So I guess I'm just more concerned.

DREW: I don't--

MARK: Listen, you can talk to me about anything.

DREW: All right. Cool, thanks.

[The class bell rings.]

[NEW SCENE - Crosby arrives home, Jabbar is doing a jigsaw puzzle in the living room. A new humidifier is running near by.]

JABBAR: Putt, putt, putt, putt-- daddy!

CROSBY: Hey. How are you? Boy, it's hot in here, huh?

JABBAR: Grammy gets cold.

CROSBY: And humid, too. Jeez, like the tropics.

[He notices Renee's things lying around.]

JASMINE: Hey, honey.

CROSBY: What's that, uh, what's that smell? Did you guys eat dinner without me?

JASMINE: Yeah, sorry honey, I tried to explain to her that we wait for you to come back from work.

RENEE: She did. My fault. But I had no idea it would be so late. Lordy, 8:00? That's a late dinner for a young boy. And it was ready hours ago, but I kept a plate warm for you.

JABBAR: It's trout.

CROSBY: Oh. Uh, Renee, I'm sure it's super good trout, I'm just--I'm not much of a fish guy. So maybe I'll have some cereal.

JASMINE: Yeah, I'll get you some cereal.

RENEE: Uhuh, uh-uh. That's ridiculous.

CROSBY: Okey-doke.

RENEE: Jabbar was reluctant at first, but once he tried it he loved it, didn't you, baby? [He makes a face.] You did love it. [Laughs]

CROSBY: Oh. And how did your interview go today?

RENEE: Well, I thank you for asking, but I don't think it went very well.

CROSBY: Sorry to hear that.

JASMINE: You'll find one, mom.

RENEE: We'll see. It's tough out there. Try your fish. Tell me how you like it.

CROSBY: Okay.

RENEE: It's really good with lemon, too.

[NEW SCENE - Sydney and Julia are at the dining table for dinner.]

SYDNEY: Why can't we eat?

JULIA: Because it's not polite to start until everyone's at the table. Here you go, sweetie. And, they're coming.

JOEL: Okay, he's gonna sit this one out.

SYDNEY: He's not hungry?

JOEL: I don't know, Syd. I guess not.

SYDNEY: Then I'm not eating my Brussels sprouts. If Victor doesn't have to eat anything, I'm not eating these Brussels sprouts.

JOEL: Yes, you…

JULIA: Fine. [Gets up.]

JOEL: Syd, three sprouts. We'll be right back. [Following Julia.] Hey.

SYDNEY: Not doing it!

JULIA: Yes, you are.

SYDNEY: Nuh-uh.

[NEW SCENE - They go up the stairs.]

JOEL: Hey, what are you doing?

JULIA: I'm ending this hunger strike. If he wants fast food he can have fast food.

JOEL: Honey, you can't do that. He's just testing you.

JULIA: I don't care…

[She opens the door.]

JOEL: Don't… come on.

[Victor is on his bed with a box of candy.]

JULIA: Victor, you got that out of my closet. All right, put away the candy.

VICTOR: No!

JULIA: Victor, pick up the candy and give it to me.

VICTOR: Just get out of my room! I hate you!

JOEL: Hey, don't talk to your mom like that.

VICTOR: She's not my mom! [Julia grabs the box, Victor also has a hand on it.] Stop. Stop! No, it's my candy!

JULIA: Give it to me.

JULIA: Hey, all right. Everybody just--hey!

[Victor falls of the bed, flat on his face onto the floor, he looks mad.]

[NEW SCENE - Night time, Drew is parked outside Amy's house, she comes out and gets into the car.]

AMY: Hey.

DREW: Hey.

AMY: You know, you really didn't have to come.

DREW: Yeah, I know, but you just left school, and I didn't even know where you went.

AMY: I just couldn't be there, you know?

DREW: Yeah, um... Where did you go?

AMY: I, uh... I called Planned Parenthood, and I made an appointment for Wednesday before school.

DREW: What do you mean? An appointment for what? Like an--like an abortion?

AMY: No. No, no, no. Just--they have to confirm the pregnancy before I can...

DREW: Okay.

AMY: Do anything about it, so...

DREW: Well, you said Wednesday before school?

AMY: Yeah.

DREW: All right, I'll go with you. You're not going through this alone.

AMY: But it's--it's just like a consultation.

DREW: I want to go with you.

[A car pulls into the driveway.]

AMY: [Whispers] It's my dad.

DREW: Are you gonna tell your parents?

AMY: I don't know. They just like to see me in a certain way.

DREW: Is he coming over? Oh, my God.

[Drew lowers the power window on Amy's side.]

AMY: Hey.

PAUL: Hey, sweetheart.

DREW: Hey. Hey, there.

PAUL: Hey, Drew. What are you doing out here with my daughter?

AMY: [Laugh]

PAUL: Hey, Drew, it's good to see you.

DREW: Yeah, you too.

PAUL: How you been?

DREW: I've been fine.

PAUL: Yeah. You staying out of trouble?

DREW: [Slight pause.] Yeah.

PAUL: How's your senior year going?

DREW: It's fine. It's just, you know, super busy and...

PAUL: Good.

DREW: All that.

PAUL: Stay at it. It's important. All right, you wanna come in? We got some pizza.

AMY: No, he's... Got...

DREW: Yeah, I can't. I have to do, like, homework.

AMY: Stuff.

PAUL: If you change your mind, you're always welcome.

DREW: Okay.

PAUL: Okay.

DREW: Thanks.

[Drew sighs in relief as Paul walks to the house. The window closes.]

AMY: I have to go. But...

DREW: All right, well, you know, I'll see you tomorrow. I definitely want to go on Wednesday, so...

AMY: See you tomorrow.

[Amy gets out and Drew drives off.]

[NEW SCENE - Next day. Rizzoli Photography, Sarah is working at her desk on the computer. Hank is standing next to her.]

SARAH: You make me very nervous.

HANK: No, no, see a little more like this.

SARAH: No, but you don't have to, like, do it for me. I-I think it looks nice, 'cause she's very warm.

HANK: Yeah, that's too much.

SARAH: Why is it too much?

HANK: Let me just show you a little trick here.

SARAH: Oh, God. [Laughs]

HANK: Just relax your hand.

SARAH: That's so--[Laughs]

HANK: Just relax--you're a good one.

SARAH: Get off me.

HANK: What? I'm not.

SARAH: Get off.

MARK: Hi.

HANK: Oh, hey.

MARK: Hi.

SARAH: Hi.

MARK: Uh, can I talk to you for a minute?

SARAH: Yeah, of course.

MARK: Um...

HANK: Yeah, I got some stuff to do. [Walks off to his desk.]

SARAH: Hi.

MAX: Hi.

SARAH: Oh, my God. I can't believe you're here.

MARK: Oh, yeah. I'll make it quick. I just--I just wanted to talk to you about Drew.

SARAH: Oh.

MAX: I-- He's been really, really upset at school the last few days, and I asked him if he was all right and he said he was, but it doesn't seem like he is.

SARAH: What do you mean? Like-- I know he's stressed out about his applications and--

MARK: No, it's-- it's-- it seems serious. He seems scared. Uh, anyway, I'll let you get back to--

SARAH: No, no, it's okay, that's- thank you for telling me and...

MARK: Mmhmm.

SARAH: Okay.

MARK: Well, it was good to see you.

SARAH: Okay. It's good to see you, too.

MARK: Okay.

HANK: You all right?

SARAH: Mm-hmm.

[NEW SCENE - Luncheonette, Adam and Crosby are in the sound booth working.]

ADAM: Beach Boys title girl, six letters.

CROSBY: Ooh, rho--Rhonda.

[Crosby's iPhone rings.]

ADAM: Yep. Well done. What's up? You got home calling, man. You're not gonna answer that?

CROSBY: No. The only person that's home, at my home, is Renee.

ADAM: Not picking up the mother-in-law, that's cold.

CROSBY: It's not important, I promise. That's like the ninth time she's called today. [iPhone chirps] Ooh, oh good! A message. I'm sure this is breaking news. "Hi, Crosby, I was thinking about taking another nap."

ADAM: [Laughs]

CROSBY: "Just thought I'd let you know, if you want to come--" oh, my God. [Laughs then slaps the desks.]

ADAM: What is it? What is it?

CROSBY: They offered her the job that she interviewed for!

ADAM: That's great!

CROSBY: She's gonna be making money.

ADAM: Yeah!

CROSBY: She's gonna move out! Are you kidding me?

[Crosby offers a 'high-five'.]

ADAM: Yeah, come on!

CROSBY: This is amazing.

ADAM: You got your bathroom back.

CROSBY: I am gonna pee with ultimate freedom.

ADAM: You're gonna pee with impunity.

CROSBY: I'm gonna pee with extreme prejudice is what I'm gonna pee with. Oh! This is good news.

[NEW SCENE - Drew is lying on his bed, music is playing as he thinks about Amy and the possible pregnancy. There is a knock at door.]

SARAH: Drew?

DREW: Yeah?

[Drew quickly makes his way to the desk.]

SARAH: Can I come in?

DREW: Uh-huh.

SARAH: Hi.

DREW: Hey.

SARAH: I have not seen you at all. How's it going?

DREW: It's fine.

SARAH: What are you doing?

DREW: Uh, just homework.

SARAH: What is it?

DREW: It, um, it's math.

SARAH: [Laughs] Yes, my favorite. Hey, so grandma and grandpa went out, and we could get a pizza or something and not have any lectures about our vegetable intake.

DREW: Yeah.

SARAH: So math, huh? It looks like you were, like, rolling on the lawn. Excuse me? Hello?

DREW: Yeah?

SARAH: What's up?

DREW: Nothing, I--um-- I don't. Nothing, I'm just doing homework.

SARAH: Is everything going okay?

DREW: Yeah.

SARAH: You're sure?

DREW: Yeah, what do you mean?

SARAH: Well, Mark came to see me…

DREW: Why? What are you, are you guys getting back together or something?

SARAH: No. I--no, honey. No, I'm--I mean, that wasn't…

DREW: Then why were you talking to him?

SARAH: Well, he-- you know, he came by to say he was concerned about you. He saw something at school that made him worried. Is everything okay with Amy?

DREW: Yeah, I--yeah. It's the same, just--

SARAH: Do you wanna invite her over tonight?

DREW: Um, maybe. I don't know. I think she's busy.

SARAH: So what is it then?

DREW: Uh, I don't--I don't know. Um, I don't-- Amy and I have been really... Just freaking out over college applications. I was just thinking. He saw us talking.

SARAH: Oh.

DREW: And so...

SARAH: Honey, why? You're doing so great.

DREW: Yeah, I know that. It's just…

SARAH: Well, I'm glad to know that you're working hard, but don't--you've gotta give yourself a break. You're too hard on yourself, you know? You may not believe it, but no matter what happens, it's all gonna be fine.

DREW: Yeah.

SARAH: All right. So let me know about pizza.

DREW: All right.

SARAH: Hey. You would tell me, right, if there was something?

DREW: Yeah. Yeah.

SARAH: Okay, honey. Let me know when you're hungry.

DREW: All right. [He sighs as Sarah closes the bedroom door.]

[NEW SCENE - Max is helping Kristina in the kitchen.]

KRISTINA: Buddy, how you doing on that salad?

MAX: Okay.

KRISTINA: Good. Small pieces, okay?

[Camille and Zeek enter through the back door.]

CAMILLE: Either way.

KRISTINA: Really good job.

CAMILLE: Hi, ho.

KRISTINA: Hey, guys!

ZEEK: Hey.

CAMILLE: We got brownies.

KRISTINA: Oh, yummy, thank you very much.

ZEEK: Hey, Max-o. How's it going, kid?

MAX: Hi, grandpa. I have pubic hair.

CAMILLE: Oh, congratulations.

ZEEK: There you go.

CAMILLE: That's so great.

KRISTINA: All right. Max, we're not really supposed to talk about that at dinner. It's not appropriate.

MAX: Well, it's not dinner yet.

KRISTINA: Okay, we'll talk about it later, okay?

MAX: The Internet said that girls begin puberty at their first menses.

CAMILLE: That's right.

KRISTINA: Ooh.

MAX: But I don't know what that is. It also said that boys start at their first ejaculation.

MAX: Correct.

KRISTINA: Hey.

ZEEK: Okay, buddy…

MAX: I haven't ejaculated yet.

CAMILLE: Well…

ZEEK: Well, give it time.

CAMILLE: Yeah, it won't be long.

ZEEK: [Laughter]

MAX: It says that, uh--the Internet says that when I do, I will begin to see girls in a new and exciting way.

CAMILLE: Boy, that's probably true.

ZEEK: Oh, well that's… a whole new world is gonna open up for you, Max, believe you me, you start ejaculating.

KRISTINA: Oh, my God.

MAX: Do you ejaculate, grandpa?

KRISTINA: No, Max!

CAMILLE: Whenever he possibly can.

ZEEK: Do I ejaculate? Oh, man, do I ever. I tell you.

KRISTINA: Who likes pasta? This is not appropriate.

CAMILLE: Well, you know, I saw four kids through puberty, and I can tell you, nothing's appropriate.

KRISTINA: Well…

CAMILLE: You know, the key is to just act like everything's normal, because it is.

ZEEK: Have you had a wet dream yet?

MAX: What's a wet dream? Is there water involved?

ZEEK: No, no, no. A wet dream is when…

KRISTINA: You're sweating.

ZEEK: And the sheets are slippery…

KRISTINA: Adam! Folks are here!

[NEW SCENE - Julia at home. There is a knock at door.]

OFFICER SPEER: I'm Officer Speer with the Berkeley police department. We're responding to a 911 call. Are you Julia Graham?

JULIA: Yes.

OFFICER SPEER: We'd like to come in and talk to you about a report of child abuse.

JULIA: I will, of course, but both of my kids are upstairs, so...

SYDNEY: Mommy, what's going on?

JULIA: Um, there's been a bit of a misunderstanding, sweetie, but it's gonna be okay.

OFFICER SPEER: Mrs. Graham, we'll need to talk to her separately.

JULIA: Right, of course. Baby, one of these very nice police officers is gonna talk to you, okay?

SYDNEY: Okay.

OFFICER SPEER: Mrs. Graham, is the other child in the house?

JULIA: Uhhuh. Victor, could you come down here please?

[NEW SCENE - Crosby arrives home, Renee, Jasmine and Jabbar are sitting in the living room.]

CROSBY: Hello! Oh, good, we're all here. Somebody brought some celebratory cupcakes. Are you guys ready to party?

RENEE: That's very sweet, Crosby, but I'm not gonna take that job.

CROSBY: You turned the job down?

JULIA: The benefits weren't...

RENEE: No.

JASMINE: What she was hoping for, and they couldn't agree on vacation time.

RENEE: I don't have to…

CROSBY: Renee, I just… I find it hard to believe that you would turn down a job in this economy. It's not like they're growing on trees, right?

JASMINE: [To Crosby.] We've been talking about it for hours. It's not gonna happen.

RENEE: I'm not an old shoe. I can find a job. I can find a job.

JASMINE: Cupcakes anybody?

CROSBY: I hope you can.

[NEW SCENE - Graham house, the officers are talking to Joel and Julia.]

OFFICER SPEER: It's okay. It's obvious there's been no abuse here.

OFFICER BROWNSTEIN: I told him it's a crime to make a phony 911 call. I think I scared him pretty badly.

JOEL: Good.

OFFICER BROWNSTEIN: But you'll want to talk to him as well.

JOEL: Yeah. Yeah, there'll be plenty of talking. I'll walk you guys out.

JULIA: Listen, bug, can you do me a favor and put on your jammies? And you can sleep in our bed just one night, okay? Thank you.

[Sydney goes towards the stairs, kisses Joel goodnight.]

JOEL: Love you.

SYDNEY: Love you.

[Sydney goes up stairs.]

JOEL: So wanna talk about it now?

JULIA: No, I don't want to talk about this right now. I want to deal with our traumatized daughter.

JOEL: Okay, well what about Victor?

JULIA: You tuck him in. I can't even look at him right now.

[NEW SCENE - New morning. Kristina wide-awake lying in bed nudges Adam.]

KRISTINA: Honey.

ADAM: What?

KRISTINA: How old were you when you got your first boner?

ADAM: What?

KRISTINA: You know, a stiffy, hard on, chubby, whatever. How old were you when you got wood?

ADAM: Honey, what the hell? Is it even 6:00 yet?

KRISTINA: I'm just thinking about this, honey. How old were you? It just is a question.

ADAM: Well, I--um--
KRISTINA: How old?

ADAM: I was around Max's age, I guess.

KRISTINA: You know, he's gonna start feeling things for girls.

ADAM: Tell you what--

KRISTINA: And sexual feelings, and...

ADAM: I know.

KRISTINA: So I think that you should have a talk with him. I really do.

ADAM: You think I should?

KRISTINA: Yeah.

ADAM: Why don't we take a stab at it together and see what we're dealing with here before I dive in with the birds and the bees talk...

KRISTINA: Wait a second--no way. Adam?

ADAM: Solo.

KRISTINA: Remember when I talked to Haddie? You sent me in alone, okay?

ADAM: Yeah, Haddie was easy.

KRISTINA: Girls talk to girls. Boys talk to boys. You're right, she was easy.

ADAM: And Max won't be.

KRISTINA: No, he won't.

[NEW SCENE - Planned Parenthood, Amy and Drew sit across from a doctor, they are overwhelmed as she is giving them their options.]

DOCTOR: If you decide to continue the pregnancy, we'd be happy to refer you for prenatal care. Of course there are resources for teen moms who decide to raise a child. Adoption is also an option For you to consider. Now, if you decide to end the pregnancy, you have two options...

[The doctor's voice fades out as “Noisy Sunday” by Patrick Watson]

DOCTOR: Any questions?

[They don't reply.]

[NEW SCENE - Short time later, Amy and Drew are in the car. The music continues.]

AMY: Well, there's only... One option, right? I mean, the doctor said I could get an appointment as early as tomorrow, so--

DREW: Yeah, you know, she said that we have time, though, to think about it. Like a week, she said.

AMY: To think about what?

DREW: That's not the only option.

AMY: [Sighs] If I have this baby, my life is over.

DREW: It doesn't have to be over.

AMY: Yes.

DREW: No, it doesn't.

AMY: Yes.

DREW: We could start a life. You know, I can go to college. I can get a job, you know? There's plenty of people that would be willing to help us. And I love you, and that's all that matters. Look, obviously I'm gonna support you no matter what. That's all I'm saying. And I want to make this work, but... I just don't want you to think that I'm not there for you if you decided to keep it, that's all.

AMY: I need help coming up with the money.

DREW: Okay.

[Amy doesn't look at Drew, she has made up her mind.]

[NEW SCENE - Rizzoli Photography. Sarah enters carrying 2 coffee's.]

SARAH: Hi.

HANK: Hey.

SARAH: Good morning.

HANK: Morning. Oh, went to the weird guy?

SARAH: I had to.

HANK: He's worth it, right?

SARAH: Yeah.

HANK: How's Drew?

SARAH: Oh, good. Um, yeah. Turns out he's just very, very stressed about college and everything.

HANK: Right. But he's okay, right?

SARAH: Yeah, but mark was right to be worried, you know? He's a very emotional kid. Can't always tell--

HANK: Yeah. Yeah, but he's fine, right?

SARAH: Ye-- Turns out he's fine. What?

HANK: No, I mean-look, he-- Drew's stressed out, yeah.

SARAH: Yeah.

HANK: 'Cause he's gonna go to college and that's normal. I was freaking out myself and-- but Mark, you know, I was just kind of thinking-- I think he probably didn't need to come over, right?

SARAH: You think he came to see me?

HANK: Maybe, yeah.

SARAH: And what--what if he did?

HANK: No, I mean--

SARAH: You don't have any feelings about that?

HANK: I'm-I'm fine.

SARAH: No, you're fine. You don't care, right?

HANK: What are you saying? Am I--am I jealous that he's coming around?

SARAH: I'm just wondering. It seems to have stuck with you, so I just wonder if you had a feeling?

HANK: I'm just noticing it, and I'm making an observation about it.

SARAH: I understand. Thank you for the observation.

HANK: I need some sugar.

SARAH: Mmhmm. Well, you can get it yourself.

HANK: [Chuckles]

[NEW SCENE - Ambers apartment, Drew has just told her what is happening.]

AMBER: So first of all, don't worry about the money, okay? I'm gonna get it for you. It's not a problem.

DREW: I'm sorry that I'm asking you for it.

AMBER: Drew, don't think any more about it, okay? How's Amy? Is she all right?

DREW: No, she's... She's like shut down and... I just feel so stupid, you know? Like it's my fault, and I--

AMBER: Drew, it happens. But it's gonna be okay. I promise, okay? I mean, how are you feeling?

DREW: I just... I just don't want to go through with it, you know? [Amber nods.] I don't know. I don't-- I don't want to, um...You know, I don't want to give it up, but... I'm trying to respect how she feels. It's just hard. [Sniffles]

AMBER: Amy's gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine, okay?

DREW: Yep.

[They hug.]

AMBER: I'm sorry. Oh, Drew.

[NEW SCENE - Planned Parenthood. Amy and Drew waiting for their appointment. "Hole In The Ocean Floor" by Andrew Bird plays. One young lady leaves, not able to go through with it.]

NURSE: Amy?

DREW: I'll just be out here.

[NEW SCENE - The Graham's back yard, Julia and Joel come outside where Victor is playing with his baseball and glove.]

JULIA: Victor? We'd like to talk to you, bud. Can you please stop that? [He does.] Thank you. What you did, calling the police, was serious.

[Victor starts tossing the ball into the net. Joel walks over and catches the ball.]

JOEL: Listen to your mom.

VICTOR: She's not my mom.

[Julia shakes her head, gives up and goes back into the house.]

JOEL: Okay, you know what? That's my wife. Don't talk to her that way.

VICTOR: Whatever. She didn't even get arrested.

JOEL: Victor, do you understand what you did? You had the police come into our house. Do you understand that? It really hurt us. It's not acceptable. And you need to think about it.

[NEW SCENE - Max's room, Adam is talking to him.]

ADAM: Anyway, when you're taking a shower, those are the areas you want to focus on. And I know that that probably seems a little, uh... Strange but, uh... I promise you that all the boys in your class, all the boys your age are going through the same thing. It's just part of growing up.

MAX: No, I don't find it strange. I mean, lizards grow for their entire lives, but their skin doesn't, it stays small. So they have to shed their skin. And most people think that's weird, but I don't.

ADAM: I don't either. I want to stick with people for a second though, okay? Because another part of this period of change has to do with your feelings about girls.

MAX: Yeah, the Internet said that I will begin to see them in a new and exciting way.

ADAM: Well, that's one way of putting it.

MAX: Yeah, but that's not gonna happen with me.

ADAM: Well, Max, you say that now, but trust me, it's gonna happen. When I just, uh... Well, a little bit older than you, girls went from being just girls to... Well, something new and exciting. And mysterious.

MAX: But I'm not like you, because I have Asperger's.

ADAM: That is true. And because of that, sometimes you have a difficult time making emotional connections, but... These aren't emotional feelings. These are sexual feelings, and they're a little bit different. You're gonna see a girl--

MAX: Dad, I'm not ready to talk about this yet.

ADAM: Okay. That's okay. When you feel ready... If you feel ready, just let me know and we'll talk about it, okay?

MAX: Okay.

ADAM: All right, buddy.

MAX: Dad.

ADAM: Yeah, bud?

MAX: I wish people could shed their skins like lizards. That would be really cool.

ADAM: I think that would be cool, too.

MAX: Yep.

[NEW SCENE - Crosby at home, watches Sekou slurp his cereal and milk.]

RENEE: Okay, here's the last of it.

SEKOU: Mmhmm. Thank you.

RENEE: Uhhuh. You want some more cereal?

SEKOU: Oh, no, I'm good. Thank you.

RENEE: All right. Crosby, are you sure I can't do a load for you? I'd be happy to.

CROSBY: No, I actually do my own laundry, but thank you.

SEKOU: The machine in my building has been out.

RENEE: [Laughs] Yeah, for five years. Boy, get out of here.

SEKOU: You knew that?

[They both laugh.]

CROSBY: I gotta say, that's quite a sight. A grown-ass man having his laundry folded by his mother.

SEKOU: I remember my sister telling me that your mother did your laundry until you bought this house.

CROSBY: Oh, did she say that?

SEKOU: She sure did.

CROSBY: Yeah, big difference though. I lived on a boat, so it wasn't really an option.

SEKOU: Do you have any more cereal by any chance?

CROSBY: No, I think you ate it all, actually.

[NEW SCENE - Drew driving Amber home, they are silent. "Lady Adelaide" by Benjamin Gibbard plays.]

SONG: Lady Adelaide shows no emotion colder than a wave in the Arctic Ocean she waited all her years…

[Drew pulls up outside Amy's house, turns off the engine.]

AMY: Thanks for driving me.

DREW: Yeah, um... I'll just call you later?

AMY: Maybe you shouldn't. I need some space.

DREW: Okay. How much space?

AMY: [Sighs] A lot.

DREW: Yeah. All right, okay.

AMY: Okay, well, my dad's home, so... Do I look okay? Do I look normal?

DREW: Yeah, um... You look really beautiful.

[The song continues as Drew watches Amy walk inside before driving off.]

[NEW SCENE - Max still dripping leaves the bathroom. “Feeling Good” by Nine Simone is playing. The scene is played in slow motion.]

SONG: They just went unheard fish in the sea you know how I feel blossom on the tree you know how I feel it's a new dawn, it's a new day it's a new life for me...

[He walks past his mother.]

KRISTINA: [Sniffs] You smell good.

MAX: That's because I washed my armpits, my butt, and my balls with soap, like dad said. [Goes into his room.]

KRISTINA: [Laughter] What did you two-- what did you say to him?

ADAM: Well, I don't know. Something got through.

KRISTINA: Yeah, obviously. I mean, he showered. It's awesome. What did you say to him?

ADAM: I had the talk with him.

KRISTINA: Okay, how did it go?

ADAM: Good.

KRISTINA: You're not convincing me.

ADAM: Well, it was weird.

KRISTINA: Weird how? What happened?

ADAM: Well, it-- look, most of it was easy, because nothing ever bothers him, he doesn't get embarrassed, and then... When I started to talk about girls and sexual feelings, he stopped me. Said he wasn't ready. It was like he knew his limitations, and I just didn't…

KRISTINA: [Signs]

ADAM: It made me feel sad. I didn't know what to do. You know, I hated it, when Haddie started liking boys.

KRISTINA: [Laughs]

ADAM: It made my skin crawl. Still makes my skin crawl, but.

KRISTINA: That's an understatement.

ADAM: But she was so excited, and I just-- I want him to be able to have that, too.

KRISTINA: He's gonna have that, honey. I promise you, okay.

ADAM: We don't know that.

KRISTINA: A lot of people with Asperger's, they have relationships, they get married, they live normal live…

ADAM: I know but some of them don't. [Max comes back out.] Hey, bud, yep?

KRISTINA: It's gonna be great.

MAX: Dad, I'm using your deodorant.

KRISTINA: [Chuckles]

ADAM: What, my deodorant? Really?

[The both chuckl.]

MAX: Yes.

ADAM: Well, he is full of surprises.

KRISTINA: Small victories, Braverman.

[They high-five each other.]

ADAM: Small victories.

KRISTINA: It's all we've got. God, he took a shower.

[NEW SCENE - Outside Marks apartment.]

SARAH: [Breathes deep before knocking.]

MARK: Hey, Sarah.

SARAH: Hi.

MARK: Hi.

SARAH: Hi, was just in the neighborhood, and I-I was unpacking and found some stuff of yours, so I thought...

MARK: Oh.

SARAH: I would drop it by.

MARK: Oh, great. What's this?

SARAH: A muffin tin, and-so...

MARK: I really missed that muffin tin.

SARAH: I know. So, that's all.

MARK: Thanks.

SARAH: Oh, and Drew is fine, actually.

MARK: Oh, good.

SARAH: I talked to him and, um-- I mean, he's definitely really stressed out, but I think it's regular senior year...

BOTH: Stuff.

SARAH: You know?

MARK: Okay.

SARAH: But thank you so much for...

MARK: All right, I'm glad.

SARAH: You know.

MARK: Sure. Yeah.

SARAH: So... I hate that we have to find these fake excuses to come and, uh, to see each other. I'm not even sure that's your muffin tin.

MARK: Oh, that? No, that's not. I've never had a muffin tin.

SARAH: I just-

MARK: um... How are you? Is everything--

SARAH: oh, me?

MARK: Yeah.

SARAH: Just, [Clicks tongue and give Mark a thumbs up sign.]

MARK: Yeah.

SARAH: Mmhmm.

MARK: That's good to hear.

SARAH: Mm-hmm. How are you?

MARK: Um... I'm all right. It was hard for me to see you, uh, with Hank. I feel like I gave up too easily, and I should have fought for you. [A moment of silence.] I don't know. Well, thanks for the... I'll get started on some muffins, I guess. [Chuckles.]

SARAH: Okay.

MARK: Bye.

["Fake Arms" by Foreign Fields plays as the scene ends.]

SONG: I've lost it all, my friend...

[NEW SCENE - Jasmine and Renee looking at job ads at the kitchen counter.]

JASMINE: What about this one here? "Office manager at accounting firm"?

RENEE: Yeah, but look at the commute.

CROSBY: [Scoffs]

RENEE: What's that, Crosby?

CROSBY: Well, it's just, you know, if you got the job you could move anywhere you wanted, really. It--who cares where the apartment's at, and then the commute wouldn't be an issue, but...

JASMINE: And be that far away from my kids and my grandbaby? I couldn't do that.

CROSBY: Mmhmm. Well, I'm sure that the perfect job, engineered specifically to your needs, will be...

BOTH: [Jasmine and Renee] Crosby.

CROSBY: Made evident someday, and you'll take it. Assuming they ask politely.

RENEE: Crosby. Look... I know that this situation is not ideal.

JASMINE: Mom.

RENEE: No, let me say my piece. Crosby, are you aware that for 30 years I worked at the non-profit helping kids get health care. And no, I didn't make a lot of money, but every day was meaningful. And I was able to take care of my kids, put a roof over their head. And what I didn't give to my kids I gave to that non-profit, and now I'm a budget cut.

CROSBY: I'm sorry. I just--you know, I just--I want you to--

RENEE: No. I'm sorry. I don't know, maybe you're right. I mean, maybe I am being too picky. Maybe--maybe I've been acting entitled to having the kind of job I've had for 30 years. And if my pride has inconvenienced you all, I am really sorry about that. [Closes the laptop.] I'm gonna go lie down, okay?

[Jasmine also leaves the kitchen.]

CROSBY: [Sighs] 

[NEW SCENE - Graham house, there is a knock at door.]

JULIA: Loretta. I-I was not expecting you. I'm sorry, do we have an appointment?

LORETTA: No. But anytime the police are called, the state requires a visit from the case social worker, so... It's standard follow up.

JULIA: Come in. [Sighs]

[NEW SCENE - Short time later in the living room, Joel has joined them.]

LORETTA: Well, it sounds to me like you're doing everything right.

JULIA: Oh, you have to be kidding me. It feels like we're doing everything wrong.

LORETTA: You're trying, and that's what's important. I can give you tools and suggestions, but ultimately, it just takes time.

JULIA: Yeah, that's what everyone says, and I-- we've been giving it time, but it--honestly, it's just getting progressively worse. It's been getting worse.

JOEL: That's not true.

JULIA: It is true.

JOEL: That's not true, honey. I mean, he's made incredible strides at school. He's made plenty of new friends at baseball.

JULIA: Okay, can you not just look at one side of this?

JOEL: I'm not.

JULIA: Yes, you are. You're leaving all of the rest of it to me. At home, it's not working. He's acting out, and... He threw a bat and almost hit our daughter. And... Uh- he despises me.

LORETTA: Julia, I need to know. Is not going through with the adoption something that you're considering?

JOEL: Of course not.

LORETTA: Julia?

JULIA: I don't know if I can do it anymore.

[Joel leaves the room.]

[NEW SCENE - Sarah is reading on her couch in the guest room. There is a knock at door. Smiling at first Sarah goes to the door, opens is to see Drew crying.]

SARAH: Honey! What is it? Uh... What is it?

DREW: [Sobbing he comes inside.]

SARAH: Honey, what's wrong?

[Falling into his mother's arms she comforts him.]

SARAH: It's okay, honey. It's okay. It's okay.


Episode End