오피스 시즌 3 - 10화 대본 PART B

Season 3 - Episode 10
"A Benihana Christmas"
Written by Jennifer Celotta
Directed by Harold Ramis

Andy: Hey. I can't concentrate when I know you're in pain, man. Let me take you to lunch. [Michael sighs.] C'mon, my treat. 
Michael: All right. Nothing here to distract myself with anyway.
Andy: That's my boy. I know the perfect place, too.
Michael: Hooters?
Andy: No. Benihana. Much classier. But don't worry, the babes are totally hot, too. [do a fist bump and explosion]
Michael: Ah, I need my entourage [both exit Michael's office] Jim. Dwight. Ryan. C'mon, we're going to Asian Hooters. 
Ryan: Ah man, I can't. 
Michael: Why not?
Ryan: I'm not feeling so well. I've got a ton of work to do here. MSG allergy, peanut allergy, I just ate there last night. [Michael feels Ryan's forehead]
Michael: Ok, feel better.
Ryan: Thanks.
Michael: C'mon Jim, let's go.
Jim: OK. [to Ryan] Wow, thanks for taking all the excuses, dude.
Ryan: Doctor appointment, car trouble, plantar warts, granddad fought in World War II. Use your head, man. I keep mine in here. [Holds up blackberry.] Look alive, Halpert. Welcome back.

 

Michael: Bros before hos. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They have got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho and you told her she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hos in the world. And then ... and then suddenly she's not yo' ho no mo'.

Andy: So she looks really hot, so I said, "You look hotter than usual today." [to waitress] Thank you. Michael [gesturing to sit down.] Head of the table. 
Dwight: Get out Jim. [Dwight tries to sit between Andy and Jim] Actually, um... [to two other people at the table] Sir, I'm going to need take this chair.
Michael: Dwight, just, just leave them alone please. They're on a date. They look very happy. 
Andy: So she looks at me right, and she goes, "I'm sorry, don't I even know you?" After a year, a year of buying lattes from her, do you believe that?
Jim: Yes.
Dwight: I can't... I can't here what you're saying. 
Michael: Carol used to drink lattes. 
Dwight: [off screen at other end of table] What're you talking about?
Michael: She would get this little foam mustache... 
Dwight: [still off screen] Carol had a mustache?
Michael: And I used to say "Hey, got latte?" And she'd say, that's not funny. 
Dwight: [off screen] What are you guys talking about? 
Michael: She totally got me. She understood that we didn't have to laugh to enjoy ---
Dwight: Michael! Repeat what you said louder!

 

Dwight: It is my job to be there for Michael. How can I be there for Michael if I'm here for Michael? [food is thrown at Dwight's face] 

 

Michael: I'm already starting to forget what color eyes she had. I can't, OK, I'm gonna call her. I am gonna call and find out... 
Andy: No.
Dwight: Who are you calling?
Michael: I'm just gonna call her.
Andy: Put that away. Put that away. S.O.S. We... I... May day. Haha. Man down over here, [to waitress] we need your help. 
Waitress: What can I get for 'ya?
Andy: I think we'll start with a round of noga-sakes. [waitress gives confused look]

 

Andy: One part eggnog, three parts sake. Some places won't make it for you though, because eggnog is seasonal.

 

Phyllis: You should, you should put out salt for the rims [referring to margaritas]
Pam: That's a great idea.
Angela: Phyllis?
Phyllis: I was just getting a snack. 
Pam: You can have your snack in here.
Angela: Pam, don't tell her what to do! Phyllis.
Phyllis: OK. 

 

Kevin: I think I'll go to Angela's party, because that's the party I know.

 

Ryan: I miss the days when there was only one party I didn't want to go to.

 

Roy: So I only use three? 
Pam: If you're using more than three pieces of tape to wrap a present, you're doing it wrong. 
Roy: OK. And where to do you get all those cool bows? 
Pam: Oh, I just get those at any party supply place. 
Roy: OK. Are you sure I can't use like, the cartoons from the newspaper? 
Pam: Oh yeah, your mom would love that.
Roy: [Karen walks in] Hey. All right, I'll see you guys later. [leaves room]
Pam: Bye. 
Karen: He's cute. You should date him.
Pam: Oh, yeah... Maybe. 

 

Dwight: Looks like you've got a little Nakiri knife action going there. 
Chef: No, it's Usuba. 
Dwight: Yeah, I bet you wish you had a Nakiri, though. 
Chef: Actually, the Usuba's the better knife when you're working with this quantity. 
Dwight: Nah, I don't know... Still think Nakiri's better.
Woman at bar: I think he'd know. [Dwight and her stare at each other]

 

Michael: Nothing he's doing is cheering me up.
Andy: Wait for the onion. Trust me. Hey Cindy, he just had his heart broken, you wouldn't do that to him, would you?
Cindy: I don't know.
Michael: Oh, sure you would. Look at you, I bet you break up with a guy every hour. [Cindy laughs and walks away]
Andy: You made her laugh. Yes! She totally digs us. [referring to what chef is doing] Watch, watch, watch, watch. [Onions smoke up] Heh, heh? What did I tell 'ya?
Michael: You're right. That's good. 

 

Pam: Hello everyone. We would just like to announce that our party is starting now in the break room. So... you can come by... .
Angela: I have a very important announcement to make... about... your paychecks. Umm... Your paychecks will be arriving as scheduled on Friday. And they will be in the correct amount that they are normally in... Please stand by for a very important announcement... refer..[starts to leave office] for further regarding your paycheck! [runs outside]

 

Angela: [on cell phone to Dwight] I need to know if I can start the party?
Dwight: Michael! Hey! Over here, Michael! [waves down Michael with a napkin and whistles to get attention]
Andy: This drink... [in audible conversation with Michael]
Michael: I don't know. No one can hear me. You know what? Start the party. 
Angela: Did Michael give you permission to do this?
Dwight: [with conviction] Start the party. 

Angela: [Angela slams phone shut and runs back to office.] Also, I would like to inform you that, um, as a special treat, my party will be starting early. In fact, it will be starting right now [opens door to conference room.]
Pam: Our party is also starting now [opens door to break room.]
Karen: Yup. 
Karen: [Stanley gets up and walks towards the break room.] All right Stanley. Woo.
Pam: Good choice. [Kelly drags Ryan to the break room.]
Angela: Welcome Hannah. You will not be disappointed.
Hannah: Why would I be disappointed? 
Angela: I said you wouldn't be disappointed. [Meredith heads towards break room.]
Angela: Meredith, if you don't come to my party, you will be very, very sorry.
Meredith: Is that a threat?
Angela: No, it's an invitation. 
Pam: We have vodka!
Karen: Lots of it! [Meredith leaves to break room party.]

 

Kevin: I hear Angela's party will have double-fudge brownies. It will also have Angela. Double fudge... Angela... double fudge... Angela [puts out hands to weigh his options] Hmmm... 

 

Angela: Brownies. Cupcakes. [Kevin walks toward conference room]
Kevin: Don't push it.

 

Karen: Are we taking this too far? You know what, I don't think we're taking this far enough. [Pam and Karen look at each other] What?
Pam: I got goose bumps.

 

Angela: I don't back down. My sister and I used to be best friends, and we haven't talked in 16 years. Over some disagreement, I don't even remember. So... yeah. I'm pretty good.

 

Michael: Ahh, damn this chicken is good. My compliments to the chef. [points to chef] Which is you! Right? Hahahaha. Awesome! I need some meat. I want some steak. [leans over to neighboring man's plate] I see steak. 
Man: Excuse me.
Michael: Excuse me [tries to take away meat with chopsticks] Ah, un guard. [Fights with chopsticks and laughs] Family style. 
Jim: No, it's not. 
Andy: Cindy, Cindy. 
Michael: I don't think... I love it!
Andy: I want you to close your eyes and imagine your dream house. [Cindy laughs] C'mon, do it for Michael. He's had a really long day. 
Michael: [laughing] I don't know what he's doing.
Andy: This is great.

Dwight: Jim! Jim! What... What's happening? 
Jim: Oh, [points to Cindy] she's asleep. 
Dwight: Oh... Narcolepsy. 
Jim: Probably. 
Andy: Now open your eyes and describe it to me. 
Cindy: I... don't know, it has four bed rooms and a loft... 
Dwight: Oh my gosh, now she's up.
Jim: And she's trying to correctly butcher a goose, but she's having trouble coming up with it.
Dwight: Oh, OK. Cindy! Yo, Cindy! Cindy! Hold its neck back and insert the knife below the jaw. Bring it all the way around, there's going to be a good amount of blood. [Cindy looks confused. Woman next to Dwight is disgusted] Don't let it bother you. Have a bucket there, for the blood... and the innards... and the feathers.

 

Jim: Oh no, this is different. The CIA thing, that was a prank on Dwight. This is more like a umm... OK, it's pretty much the same thing.

 

Kelly: What d'ya think? [to Stanley about his drink]
Stanley: Fruity and delicious. 
Kelly: See, I told you. You want one Meredith?
Meredith: No thanks. They're too sweet.
Karen: Hey, so what's the status.
Ryan: Looks like they forgot the power cord. 
Pam: What?
Karen: Oh, you're kidding me? 
Ryan: No.
Karen: Oh, you guys, guys, um... I'm sorry, but there's a problem with the karaoke machine. [everyone sighs]
Kelly: Well that blows. 
Darryl: Hang on little ladies. You don't need this thing, I'll go grab my synthesizer. [Everyone cheers]
Everybody: Darryl! Darryl! Darryl! [Darryl exits break room and passes Phyllis]
Phyllis: Hi.
Darryl: Hey. Hey, look, when you get done with your... [looks inside conference room] meeting, you should, uh, come to the break room. We're having a party. 
Phyllis: Oh, ok.
Darryl: All right. Se you later... 
Hannah: [tries to break nut on a Nutcracker doll] These nuts are really hard to crack.
Angela: Try harder then. [Hannah smashes Nutcracker on top of nut. Sees Kevin take another brownie] Uh uh. No one has seconds until everyone's had some. 
Kevin: You've got to be kidding!
Angela: You've got to be kidding. {Kevin takes bite of brownie]

 

Phyllis: Cold, huh?
Ryan: Huh? [puts on jacket]
Phyllis: Maybe that'll help. Is it cold in there?

 

Andy: [referring to waitresses] They have been checking us out, all night! I am not kidding!
Michael: You know what we should do?
Andy: What? 
Michael: We should invite them to the Christmas party.
Andy: Now, you are thinking. Yes. And you know what? Because you have had such a rough day, you get Cindy. 
Michael: Oh, you are such mench my friend. [They stand up and do fist bump and explosion]

 

Michael: OK, where is everybody? I would like them to meet my new girlfriend. [Guys walk in with two different waitresses from Benihana's]
Jim: I'm sure they'll want to meet her, too. 

 

Michael: The least I could do was give some poor sick kid a bike.
Second Cindy: That rocks. 
Michael: Nah, you rock. Tell you what, if you want it, it's yours.
Second Cindy: Thanks! I, I wanna give you something. 
Michael: Oh. [She whispers in his ear. Michael starts to laugh] That's what she said. 

 

Michael: Hello? I would like everybody to meet my new girlfriend. 
Andy: My new girlfriend. 
Angela: Where's Dwight?
Second Cindy: Is he the hot one or the giant baby?
Michael: [whispers] The giant baby. Wow, I am so sorry, I had no idea this party would be so lame.
Phyllis: [under her breath] There's another party in the break room.
Michael: Oh, party in the break room! Let's go, let's go! Thank God! Let's go to the break room. 
Angela: Hey, excuse me! Waitress lady! Hey, where do you think you're going with that? [refers to toy she just took from table] 
Second Cindy: I thought I could have it.
Angela: You can't have it [takes back toy] I don't walk into your house and steal your Hello Kitty backpack.
Michael: Shhh... Shut it! C'mon! Party.
Dwight: Hey! It's Angela! [Angela slams door shut, but not before Kevin sneaks out] Hey!
Michael: We're going to ... 

 

Kevin: [singing] I want you to know. That I'm happy for you. I wish nothing but... 

 

Michael: I just think there are two, two specific kinds of people in the world. People who own houses and people who own condos. [turns to reach for pretzel while Second Cindy turns other direction] And... my question to you [points and pulls away other waitress] is do you agree? 
Other waitress: Do I agree about what?
Michael: Do you agree about what? [laughs] Wow. You're lucky you're so darn cute. 
Other waitress: What're you talking about?
Michael: What're you talking about?

 

Kevin: [singing] And I'm here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away. It's not fair, to deny me of the cross I bear that you give to me. You, you, you, you, you, you, you oughta know ta know. 
Jim: All right [high fives Kevin]

 

Angela: Did you have fun at Benihana's? 
Dwight: No. It was awful. I couldn't hear anything. [cheers from other party]
Angela: I've had the worse day here [turns up Nutcracker music on the stereo. [Sighs. Dwight reaches for and holds Angela's hand]
Karen: [Karen and Pam enter] Dwight, you won the raffle! [holds out gift]
Dwight: No... way! Yeah!
Karen: Open it! Open it ! Open it! [Dwight rips open present. Angela is upset and Pam notices]
Dwight: Oh.
Karen: Do you like it?
Dwight: Walkie-talkies.
Pam: Can I talk to you a second?
Dwight: Yes!

 

Karen: Well the Committee to Plan Parties has served its purpose. We're gonna disband. In the name of Christmas. 
Pam: [holds up rice krispie shaped like a star] In the name of Nutcracker Christmas.

 

Karen: Angela, we've been hearing really great thing about uh... your brownies and we were hoping you'd consider merging into two parties.
Angela: I'm not sure. Does your karaoke machine have Christmas songs? 
Pam: Yeah, but we don't have a power cord. 
Angela: Oh, I may have seen it somewhere. [Goes to plant and picks up power cord] Is it this one?
Pam: Mmm. Hmm.
Karen: Yeah, thanks.
Pam: We'll go tell everyone.
Karen: OK.

 

Andy and Michael: [singing] And if you want love, we'll make it. Swim in a big sea of blankets. Take all your big plans and break 'em. This is bound to take awhile. Your body is a wonderland. [Michael notices Cindy ride up to him on the bike and looks confused] Your body is a wonderland. 
Andy: Your hands.
Both: Your body is a wonderland. 
Andy: I'll use my hands on it. 
Both: Something 'bout the way your hair falls in your face... 

 

Kelly: [singing] Whatever we deny or embrace. For worse or for better. We belong, we belong, we belong together... Ryan... 
Michael: When you know, you just know. 
Kevin: Right.
Michael: Check her out. My little gal over there. Babe-alectable.
Roy: Which one is she? [Michael stares at both waitresses]
Michael: It's... it's one of those two. [points at both]
Roy: You don't know?
Kevin: Dude, you should know.
Michael: Yeah... well, it's been hard, they're wearing the exact same uniform. And I've been drinking. And you know how all waitresses look alike.

 

Michael: I honestly don't see what the big deal is. Stevie Wonder is married. Are you going to tell me that Stevie Wonder doesn't love his wife just because he's not sure what she looks like?

 

Michael: Hey. Where's my girl? Is she in the fridge? Where is she hiding? I don't know where she is. 'Cause I'm drunk, I can't even find her. 
Second Cindy: You know where I am.
Michael: Haha, I do! I just haven't hugged you in awhile [marks Cindy's arm with a black marker]
Second Cindy: Oh.
Michael: Oh, good. That felt good. Let's go. Party.

 

Creed: [singing] Spinnin' n reelin with love. Give it the time, I might come back down. But it feels so good. My feet don't touch the ground. Wha..wha..wild. Wha..wha..wild. Well everybody knows, I'm crazy about 'ya... 

 

Dwight: [into walkie-talkie] Monkey, this is Possum. Do you copy?
Angela: [into another walkie-talkie] Copy, Possum. What's your twenty?

 

Karen: No way. [both hold up Bridget Jones' Diary movie DVD]
Jim: What a horrible, horrible movie that was. 
Karen: And now we get to remember it forever. 
Jim: Thank you.
Karen: Thank you. [Both hug]

 

Second Cindy: Hey.
Michael: Hey, hey, you. How are ya?
Second Cindy: Hey. This party blows, so we're gonna leave. 
Michael: No, no, no. Hey, you should stay because we are having fun and... 
Second Cindy: Cool... 
Michael: Where do you wanna go?
Second Cindy: I... We're just gonna take off. 
Michael: I... you know what? I, OK, listen. I like you. I really like you. So much in fact, that I would like you to accompany me on a trip to Sandals, Jamaica. 
Second Cindy: No... I have school. [leaves with other waitress and bicycle]
Michael: You want help? OK... Merry Christmas. 
Second Cindy: Merry Christmas. 

 

Dwight: [singing] Lady, from the moment I saw you standing all alone. You gave all the love that I needed... 

 

Michael: That waitress was the one. 
Jim: No. She wasn't.
Michael: How can you be sure?
Jim: Well, for starters, I've known you as a couple since the beginning of the relationship, which was approximately [looks a watch] three hours ago. 
Michael: Don't make fun... You're making fun of me. 
Jim: Sorry.
Michael: I guess, I didn't know her very well. I marked her arm. 
Jim: You what?
Michael: I, I put a mark on her arm. [Both are laughing] So I could tell them apart. I don't... I know, I know. I can't believe I gave her my bike!
Jim: Yeah.
Michael: Oh, why do I feel like crap?
Jim: You just had a rebound.
Michael: I had rebound? Yeah.
Jim: Yeah. Which, don't get me wrong, can be a really fun distraction, but, when it's over, you're left thinking about the girl you really like, the one that broke your heart.

 

Michael: I totally rebounded. Someone else shoots and I take the ball and I score. Well, I guess I didn't score and I'm not sure who's actually shooting, but, whatever. Doesn't matter. It's all good. Or as my ex might say. Domo arigato, Mr. Scott-o.

 

Angela: [singing, with Dwight holding up microphone] Little baby, parum pum pum pum. I am a poor boy too, parum pum pum pum. I have no gift to bring, parum pum pum pum. That's fit to give our King, parum pum pum pum..

 

Michael: [on phone] Yes, I just wanted to see if, uh you would like to come to Jamaica with me. There's this resort called Sandals. Really? OK. All right. I promise you won't be disappointed. Umm, It's all-inclusive... 

 

Angela: [singing] ... Shall I play for you, parum pum pum pum [Oscar and Gil walk through door]
Oscar: Too soon. [both turn back around and walk out]
Angela: [singing] I played my drum for Him, parum pum pum pum. I played my best for Him, parum pum pum pum, Rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum.
Dwight: [singing along] pum pum pum pum pum pum pum

 

Dwight: Bye Pam.
Pam: Night.
Jim: [to Pam] Oh, you know what? Sorry, forgot to tell you. I intercepted a transmission earlier and it seems that the CIA is gonna need Dwight down at their headquarters in Langley for training and an ice cream social with the other agents. 
Pam: We should get him a bus ticket. [types on computer] To make his trip easier.
Jim: Oh no, that would be great. 
Pam: It costs seventy five dollars. 
Jim: Hmm... Well, maybe the CIA can send a helicopter? 
Pam: Ohh... [laughs]

 

Dwight: [Cell phone beeps] What the? [Reading text message] "You have been compromised. Abort mission. Destroy phone." Destroy phone? [Dwight throws phone off of the roof and walks away]